A true sister-friend showed up at my door for a walk when I was deeply depressed, and while she, too, was going through her own shitastic, momentary life walk. Side note: shitastic is my favorite made-up word. Of all time. Feel free to use it.
Some un-asked-for advice for all those reading this: Stop giving the label friend to those who have never witnessed you ruptured. Just wait. ‘Til people experience you ruptured, just call them folks you kinda know. It does not mean they aren’t fine people if, when this happens to your life, they are absent and unable to show up for you the way you need. They can only give what they have. And what they have has nothing to do with what you need.
I have learned that my sister-friends are the ones who–may suggest therapy for a situation–but they never silence me, or worse still…pretend to not know me until I have miraculously healed myself or comatosed the hurt.
Enter sister-friend R, who showed up at my door for a walk. Fashionista’d-out…per usual. Wedge boots. Eye-grabbing jewelry. And a thermosed hot toddy.
A. Thermosed. Hot toddy.
See, when I walk, I do so for exercise and heart health. I.Move.Fast. So this was a new approach.
And R’s pace, well, let’s just say I think I walked faster the morning after my mother’s sudden death.
But a sister showing up to listen and walk is a different kind of healing that fast feet and a sweaty brow can’t compete with. Not never.
I have called R just to say hey, pretending all is well. But she notices the quickness of those letters when something’s wrong, and replies, Oh, baby girl. Oh no. And during these moments, her…Oh…is long and caring and it holds me with both hands. So when my voice breaks when I reply, Girl, I’m fine, it’s ok that it breaks. It’s okay that I break. Into pieces. Because she has both hands out. Underneath me.
May God bless your sister-friends’ hands, y’all.
Count yourself lucky if you have one sister-friend like this. Blessed and highly favored if you have two! And be the friend who shows up. And is present and loving through the rupture. With a hot toddy in hand ’cause that’s some real shit.
‘Til next time, Reine.
Chamomile Hot Toddy with Meyer Lemon-Maple Simple Syrup
you will need…
- 1/4 cup dried chamomile flowers (or 2-4 bags of chamomile tea) for two toddies
- Meyer Lemon-Maple Simple Syrup (recipe below)
- Whiskey Bourbon or Dark Rum (I used Evan Williams Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey)
Meyer Lemon-Maple Simple Syrup
- Juice of 4 Meyer lemons (or 3 traditional lemons and 1 clementine orange)
- peel (in strips) of 2 Meyer lemons
- 1/4 cup maple syrup
- Add all of these ingredients into a small pot and set over medium heat, creating a very slight simmer, for 7-10 minutes.
Directions to make the toddy:
- Add 1-2 TBSPs of the Meyer Lemon simple syrup into each mug.
- Add 3 TBSPs of your alcohol of choice.
- Place your tea bag into your mug (if using dried chamomile flowers, use 2 TBSPs per bag; if using store-bought chamomile tea, I like to double bag my mug because I want to sleep really well).
- Add boiling water to your mug. Allow to cool slightly. And enjoy the walk…then sleep.