Mr. Owens’ Casserole

The work stations at SweetArt are close enough that, once the day gets going and when so inclined, conversation amongst bakers ensue. Jessica, one of my newest bakers, and I didn’t intend to discuss sugar daddies (the human kind…not the candy kind). The topic evolved after discovering the advertised price of Beyonce’s world tour tickets.

Please note: What we NOT gohn do is evah, evah, eeeeeeeeeeevah talk bad about Beyonce (and, yes, I know I’m using my flexible English here…cause I’m serious. ) Beyonce is on a personal list of people you will not talk poorly about and remain employed at SweetArt. I am part of the Beehive. I support the Beygency. And yes, she could (and maybe should) change her name permanently to Slayonce–Cause. She. Slay.

Moving on.

Me: You know I’mma have to get me a sugar daddy to get those Beyonce tickets, right?

Jessica: (laughs) Shoooooot, you know that’s the truth. But these young gayls have messed up the sugar daddies for everybody else. Just handing it out. Used to didn’t have to give it up to get something.

Me: Girlllll, these young thangs handing over the treasure for a two piece and fifty on they cell phone bill.

Jessica: Right! You used to just show up on yo sugar daddy arm, and he was just happy to show you off to his friends.

Me: He’d just do for you cause he knew you were workin’ hard…going to school..raising yo kids solo. You know?

Jessica: Right…no need to open *nahn* leg. (note, “nahn” is vernacular for “none”, which in this instance–for my non-country/hood readers–is used to mean “neither”) Moving on.

Me: Yassss. Back in the day you’d just make Mr. Owens a casserole and keep it moving. He supported you on casserole drop-offs only.

I’ve never had a Mr. Owens. Not. Yyyyyyyet. But if I did, my Mr. Owens would probably have high blood pressure. Failed to marry young or be widowed (yes, this is how my imagination works in my free time). He knows that not one black woman his age would want him because, I’m assuming, there isn’t a black woman in her 70s and 80s willing to spend her golden years helping his ass find his socks all day. Side note: I wishhhhhhhhh Cbabi would be asking me to help him find his socks when I’m 80-years old. Hello?!?! You think I got to this age to help yo’ ass find yo’ socks…still?!?! I. Think. Not.

Because of my imaginary Mr. Owens’ health issues, I’d make him my dairy and egg-free Tex Mex Fauxmmmburger Helper. It, straight up, captivates the tummy.

To all the young thangs ruining the game (and note, a game I’ve never participated in……yyyyyyyyet), and keeping me from getting my Beyonce tickets :), make a casserole and bring us all back to the good ol’, righteous days. Please. And thank you.

Mr. Owens’ Casserole

• 16oz gluten-free brown rice pasta, or pasta of choice
• 1.5 cups diced, yellow onion
• 1 red bell pepper, diced
• 1/4-1/2 cup roasted green chiles OR green salsa
• 1 tube Gimme Lean Ground Beef (if you eat meat, use a meat of choice. If you don’t use faux-meats, don’t use this ingredient…it’s your kitchen)
• 1-2 TBSP fat of choice (olive oil, coconut oil, canola oil, etc)

 

 

 

The Spicy Cheezy Sauce

• 2 cups coconut milk (I use the boxed So Delicious brand)
• 3/4 cup nutritional yeast
• 1/2 cup tahini
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 3 TBSP yellow/mild miso
• juice of 1 lemon
• 2 TBSP Cholula Chipotle Hot Sauce or 1 TBSP adobo sauce
• 1 TBSP tomato paste
• 2 tsp onion powder
• 2 tsp maple syrup
• 2 tsp mustard powder
• 1.5 tsp sea salt
• 1 tsp smoked paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp turmeric
• NOTE: do not substitute one of these spices for something else. Resist. Don’t be all intuitive just yet with which spice to use in this sauce. Stick to the list.

Directions

1. Boil your pasta as directed on package, BUT put a goooood amount (1-2 TBSPs) of sea salt in your water, forever and always. The water should taste like the ocean. Don’t worry; the final product won’t be salty.
2.  In a large skillet, add your fat of choice and heat over a medium flame. Once hot, add your diced onions and peppers and saute for 5 mintues, stirring frequently.
3. Add your green chiles or green salsa and continue to saute for 2-3 more minutes. Then add your Gimme Lean (or meat of choice), breaking up into small bite sizes, and saute for 6-8 more minutes.
4. In a blender, add all the ingredients of your Spicy Cheezy Sauce and blend until smooth.
5. Once your pasta is done (al dente, preferably), add it to your skillet, then your cheese sauce, and stir. Taste, then tweak the seasoning to your liking. Too acidic, add a touch more maple syrup. Too seasoned? Add a splash of coconut milk. Need more heat? Add more hot sauce
6. I like to enjoy mine with a dollop of coconut milk sour cream, more salsa, chopped scallions and, you guessed it, a sprig of cilantro…cause I’m fancy. That’s how Mr. Owens likes it, too:)