Some people drink…I make onion rings AND drink

This is a recap of my Friday thru Sunday of this week:

One person quit…via text…cause raising five kids on her own is difficult.

I’m. Not. Even. Gonna. Comment.

One person got fired because she rolled her eyes at me–without my knowledge–but the good staff lets me know when the bad ones cross the line, and I love that ish. When questioned about it, she said, “I didn’t roll my eyes; I looked up at the ceiling.”

Look, children, if you don’t want to lose your job over some dumb ish…don’t do dumb ish.

So, two new people started on a Saturday (I occasionally keep people on the ready, praise Him)…Cbabi was out of town…we had a wedding with 15 cakes…by the end of my day I logged 15 hours, and I was exhausted…but my dishwasher needed a ride home…and if I liked strangers in my house I would have had her just come over because I was so tired I didn’t think I would get her home without hating her entire face once I did…but I don’t like strangers (and sometimes people I know) in my home…and she only speaks French…and my French is on #TeamStruggle right now so communication is quel est le mot…interessant…and my youngest had two basketball games…and he cut his leg on glass, and I thought I was going to have to take him to get a stitch or two, but my friend saw the cut and said a liquid bandage may do the trick…and I’ve never used that before, so when I put it on and he screamed like I’d just dipped his leg in boiling water, my heart wrapped its arms around itself and squeezed its eyes shut…and I felt inadequate as a mother…and he cried.

And his tears make me want to stop the world…cause he’s my baby.

Le sigh, y’all.

So it’s Sunday night (the leg thing happened this morning), and I am coping with Pakora Onion Rings with a Tomato-Ginger-Mint chutney.

Don’t judge me.

I took some extra mint leaves and poured a little boiling water on them…for a tea.

Then poured Cuban rum on them…for an effective tea.

Ok.

Judge me now.

Pakora Onion Rings with a Tomato-Ginger-Mint Chutney

The Batter:

• 2 cups chickpea flour (aka “chana besan”)
• 2 cups water
• 1 tsp garam masala
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 1/2 tsp turmeric
• 1/2 tsp aluminum-free baking powder
• oil of choice for frying (enough to deep fry in…2-3 cups)

The In-Between:

• 1 cup chickpea flour (used to dredge the soaked onions in BEFORE dipping into the batter)

The Main Attraction:

• 1-2 yellow onions sliced 1/2-inch thick

The Soak for the Main Attraction:

• 1.5 cups coconut milk + 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar

Tomato-Ginger-Mint Chutney

• 2 vine-ripened tomatoes, quartered
• 1 tsp grated ginger
• 2 TBSP fresh mint leaves, finely chopped
• 2 star anise
• 1 TBSP coconut oil (or oil of choice)
• 1/4 tsp sea salt

Directions for Batter, Soak and In Between:

1. In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together your chickpea flour, garam masala, salt, turmeric, and baking powder. Slowly pour in your water and stir until you have a smooth batter. Set aside.
2. Add sliced onions to your soak (coconut milk and apple cider vinegar) and let rest for 30 minutes. Toss occasionally to be sure all the slices are getting the #loveandmagic of the soak.
3. In a deep-fryer or a cast-iron pan/pot (whatever you normally fry food in), add you oil and let heat over medium-high heat. Note: My momma never used a thermometer and fried food often…and it always came out perfect. For those who will use a thermometer, heat the oil to 350-365 degrees. For everybody else…if you sprinkle a little chickpea flour in your hot oil and it all comes to the center like a partaaaaaaaay, it’s hot enough).
4. Take a few of your soaked onions and dredge into the In-Between chickpea flour and cover well.
5. Shake off excess chickpea flour and dip into the batter.
6. With tongs or your fingers, take your battered onions (letting the excess batter drip off) and gently place into your hot oil, one at a time so that they don’t stick–but if they do, ain’t nothing wrong with that either. Fry for 3-4 minutes per side. Remove onions from oil and let drain on a brown paper bag…or whatever you drain your fried foods on.
7. Keep going until you have fried all the onion slices your heart desires.

Directions for the Tomato-Ginger-Mint Chutney

1.  In a dry cast iron skillet that is set over high heat, place your quartered onions flesh-side down. Leave them there until they begin to blackened (like this)

2.  Once all sides of your tomatoes are charred to your liking, transfer the tomatoes to an upright blender and blend until smooth. You should get about 1 cup plus 2 TBSP of tomato puree.

3. In a skillet set over medium heat, add your 1 TBSP of oil and warm for 3-4 minutes.

4. To the skillet, add your ginger, mint, star anise, tomato puree and salt. It. will. sizzle. Don’t worry. Stir.

Turn your heat to low and simmer the chutney for 10-12 minutes. It will turn into magic, like this:

Please, please please, plllllllllllease…do not dip these into ketchup (I’m talking to my people). Resist, I beg you, resist. Make the chutney. Make the chutney because it’s six ingredients, and it’s so quick to put together, and you WILL pat yourself on the back once you complete it. Then take a picture…cause you fancy.

‘Til next time, Reine