Cbabi, my husband, isn’t a random-just-because gift giver. When he does celebrate my awesomeness, it’s even more rare that those gifts are clothes. But recently one night before bed, I mentioned my birthday…and wanting a special dress…because I typically do not wear dresses. Cbabi, all casual like, gets up from the bed and announces, “Speaking of birthday dresses, I saw this on Instagram and ordered it for you.”
There is so much wrong with that sentence. So much.
See, Cbabi has only bought one other dress for me…for another birthday…that I’ve never worn…for obvious-to-me reasons. So I was nervous about this gift.
He placed a hot pink bag (hot pink!) on the bed, and inside, a handkerchief-sized black dress lounged, waiting to baffle all of my recent fitness accomplishments.
This dress weighs about .7 ounces. Maybe.
It takes me a while to gather my words when I want to be tactful.
“You bought me a dress? No, you didn’t? Seriously?”
“Well,” he started, “You’ve been looking amazing. And when I saw this on Instagram, I thought it would look great on you.”
Ain’t he something? So sweet.
Well, whoever this woman is on Instagram, she (a) Hasn’t eaten a piece of cake in 20 years… or (b) Is 20-years old.
Rather than immediately thinking Cbabi–after almost 20 years–has no idea what I like to wear because I would never, ever, ever wear this dress outside of the house, I thought, instead, his love has made him delusional.
See, I have career breasts. My breasts have endured an indentured servitude for about a six year stretch, breastfeeding child after child. So when I unfolded a dress that had two straps from the waist portion of the “skirt” that cascaded up to clasp behind the neck, I thought…my breasts don’t know freedom like this.
Do you know how slowly I’d have to walk in this dress? I couldn’t turn right nor left… straight and slow only as not to injure myself or any one else.
While health and fitness are important to me, so is cake. And pie. And french fries, etc. A dress like this is for a woman with a single focus. And that focus probably isn’t cake.
This dress won’t ever see the outside world on my body. But, as a thank you, I made Cbabi a Banana Chocolate Chip cake (cause I know he likes banana desserts), and I may put the dress on…at night…and stay in the house.
Maybe that was his plan all along.
Til’ next time, Reine.
Banana Chocolate Chip Cake with Vanilla Cream Frosting
You will need:
- 3-8″ cake pans
- non-stick baking spray
- all these ingredients:)
Your dry ingredients…whisk together and set aside
- 3 cups double-sifted, all-purpose flour (be sure to spoon in your double-sifted flour THEN level with a knife…you want to be right to the edge, like this
- 1 Tbsp baking powder
- 2 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp sea salt
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 tsp ground cloves
- 1/4 tsp ground cloves
Your wet ingredients…
- 2 cups smashed, ripe bananas
- 3/4 cup + 2 TBSP light olive oil
- 3/4 cup brown sugar
- 1/2 cup maple syrup
- 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut yogurt
- 2 TBSP ground flax seed + 1/4 cup rice milk (blend together)
- 2/3 cups chocolate chips (optional)
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
- Preheat your oven to 340 degrees.
- Sift together all of your dry ingredients and set aside.
- With a stand mixer or hand mixer, mix all of your wet ingredients in a bowl.
- With your hands (put on gloves if you are a princess), gently fold your dry ingredients into your wet ingredients. Note: never ever ever use a mixer to mix your cake batter at this stage. Always use your hands…or a spatula…you are the best machine for this part of every cake recipe.
- Spray your cake pans with non-stick baking spray or rub a little fat in the pans and sprinkle with flour all over.
- Evenly divide your batter into the three pans and bake for 30-40 minutes.
- Gently touch the center of each cake with your finger (if you are a badass)…or insert a knife into the center…if it comes out clean, your cake is done.
- Let cool and make your frosting.
Vanilla Cream Frosting
- 3 cups powdered sugar, sifted
- 1 cup Spectrum organic shortening
- one -8oz container of Tofutti Cream Cheese
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
- 3/4 tsp sea salt
- In a stand mixer or with a hand mixer, cream together your shortening and tofutti cream cheese frosting for three minutes on medium-high speed. Add your sea salt and vanilla extract and cream and cream again for 30 seconds.
- Slowly add your sifted powdered sugar and mix on low speed for 1-2 minutes or until well combined.
- Scrape the sides and bottom of your bowl and blend again for 30 seconds.
Putting together your cake:
- These cake layers bake pretty evenly (not domed), so you typically won’t have to trim the top to make a flat surface. Be sure your layers are completely cooled before you begin to layer and fill with frosting.
- Be easy on yourself…this does not have to look like a masterpiece. It’s so delicious that no one will care. Truly. Practice making this cake your own type of beautiful. If you want to frost the outside of the cake as well, double the frosting recipe. Enjoy!